The Complexities of "Older Sister Core" On Screen

Breaking down the older sister experience as depicted in film & tv.

There’s a universal truth in many families: the real "man of the house" is often an older sister or more specifically, the eldest daughter. I can attest to that, although it’s a complex role that differs from person to person, as it’s influenced by everything from family dynamics, culture, financial circumstances and too many things to mention here, really. There are some widely shared experiences, however, and we can all agree that the older sister experience shapes us differently than our younger siblings. It molds us into mini-moms, protectors, caregivers, so-called independent women and unsung heroes all around.

Just like the collective struggle the internet has affectionately dubbed “Older Sister Core” makes us feel less alone, so does being a fangirl who looks to media like books and movies to represent these complexities and explain the feelings we can’t quite put into words… And that’s exactly what we’re going to explore here. I have a long list of older sisters I look up to and relate to, but for now, I’ve selected 7 of the most touching depictions of Older Sister Core from my childhood and early teen years— The girls who really captured the rawness, beauty and hardships of the older sister experience.

Katniss Everdeen: The Burden of Responsibility

Katniss Everdeen is the ultimate symbol of the burden of responsibility older sisters are cursed to carry, as I see it… that sounds bleak and dramatic, I know, but when we dive a little deeper into Katniss’ journey from the perspective of an older sister, she also offers a brighter perspective that I think a lot of older sisters overlook, or rather find hard to appreciate. 

The Hunger Games (2012)

Before she ever steps into the Hunger Games arena, Katniss was already hunting and providing for her family, making her the emotional and financial backbone of her household. And when she volunteers as tribute for her sister, it’s not just a heroic act—it’s the culmination of years of sacrifice and selflessness, characteristics that societies and families will shove down older sisters’ throats all their lives. 

Older sisters often find themselves in similar positions to Katniss, though obviously not as fantastical, in instances where we’re expected to put the needs of others above our own, becoming second-in-command to our mothers, or sometimes, the mothers themselves. Katniss’ arc shows the harsh reality of this role: it’s draining, and the pressure can be immense. But at the same time, and I know a lot of older sister would roll their eyes at this because of the cost it comes at, but this role builds our leadership skills, resilience, and a fierce sense of independence. The character development this aspect of the older sister experience puts us through is both a burden and a hidden superpower if we really try to look on the bright side. It gives us a certain strength of character that an only child or a youngest sibling would never possess, experience, or even understand.

But alas, there is a fine line between bearing the responsibility and losing yourself in it. Katniss nearly breaks under the weight and consequences of not just saving her sister, but an entire dystopian society as well… She finds it hard to trust people, accept help or reciprocate love. Many older sisters can relate to this— turning away help because you’ve been doing it all for so long that you don’t even know how to rely on others. Like I said, it’s both a superpower and a curse, but I think that’s very much Older Sister Core.

Kat Stratford: Of Course We’re Always Angry

Kat Stratford was the ultimate icon for every “angry girl” in the late ’90s and early 2000s. She was unapologetic, fierce, seemingly angry at the world and of course, an older sister… Because that’s what we are right? Difficult, uptight, always frustrated with the status quo, always ready to question authority.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Kat’s rage, while channeled into feminism and that ’90s punk-rock rebellion in the film, also speaks to something deeper: the loneliness and frustration of having to grow up faster than everyone around her and put up walls to hide or keep out her fears and emotions. While her younger sister, Bianca, is carefree and popular, Kat bears the weight of experience, responsibility, and societal expectations. A lot of older sisters feel this divide— being labeled “difficult” or “moody” simply because they’ve been forced to mature earlier, tackling experiences and responsibilities that their younger siblings don’t have to.

As we see in the film, being angry isn’t really a flaw, it’s a defense mechanism, and Kat embodies this so well. She’s the older sister who had to figure it all out on her own, while her younger sibling gets to live blissfully unaware of the struggles Kat had to endure. 

Carmen Cortez: Is It Ever About Us?

Carmen Cortez hit us all with a single line in Spy Kids that cuts to the core of the older sister experience: “Make sure Juni’s alright, bring Juni along, everything’s always about Juni.” This line haunted me for years and instantly came to mind when I was brainstorming this piece, because it really cuts to the core of the older sister experience. With this line, Carmen was expressing her frustration about how her younger brother, Juni, seems to always be the priority, despite her own abilities and contributions.

Spy Kids 2: The Island Of Lost Dreams (2002)

Her experience in Spy Kids was a perfect representation of how older sisters often feel overshadowed by their younger siblings. While she’s brave, smart, resourceful, capable, and skilled, it always seems like everyone’s more concerned about her little brother and she feels the pressure of this unspoken expectation that her primary job should be taking care of him.

This dynamic is the reality of being an older sister: sometimes, it feels like everything you do is for your sibling, you contribute and sacrifice for them and your own wants or needs are constantly put on the back burner. It can go as far as feeling like your identity is tied to how well you take care of your younger siblings, how much you care for their well-being, safety and even happiness. As I’ve pointed out with Katniss, this responsibility can foster growth, leadership, and a strong sense of selflessness, yes of course… but with Carmen, we see that it can also be exhausting and can, at times, leave older sisters feeling overlooked or underappreciated.

We grow up with the constant reminder that we have to baby our siblings, when no one’s even asking us if we’re okay. It’s a heavy emotional load to carry, and while it makes us nurturing, it makes us question, all the time: when is it ever about us?

Margot Covey: Chaos When You Leave The Nest

Margot Covey is made out to be the glue that holds her family together after their mother’s death. She doesn’t show herself to be sensitive, making decisions that are hard but good for her with ease, like breaking up with her boyfriend and leaving for university abroad… And then everything unravels back home. Her younger sisters Lara Jean and Kitty are suddenly left to fend for themselves, and chaos ensues.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)

This is a fear many older sisters know well: the anxiety that once you step away, everything will go haywire or fall apart. You’ve been the one holding it together and keeping everyone in line for so long, it’s hard to believe your siblings can survive without you. And if we look at the fact that Margot’s situation is made even more complicated by the loss of their mother and the fact that they’re part of a mixed-race family, it adds all kinds of layers to her sense of duty and responsibility that many older sisters can relate to.

Leaving the nest isn’t just about personal growth or freedom for older sisters— while many older sisters use it as a break or a coping mechanism to finally step away from their struggles and forge an identity outside of their familial role, deep down it comes with a complicated web of guilt, worry, and the hope that everything won’t go up in flames the moment you’re gone.

Teddy Duncan: The Curse Of The Advisor

Teddy Duncan creates a video diary filled with life advice for her baby sister, Charlie, representing the type of “advisor” role older sisters often find themselves in. You go through everything first— first heartbreak, first big mistake, first job, first tough lesson— only to pass down your hard-earned wisdom to your younger siblings. 

Good Luck Charlie (2010)

It’s bittersweet because while you pave the way, your siblings often get the benefit of your experience. I mean, Teddy’s life would’ve been a lot less chaotic if she had an older sister to guide her, but that’s the reality for many of us— we have to figure it all out on our own and then pass on the knowledge to others. We’re there for everyone, but have no one to be there for us in the same way.

Even if your parents are present and if we consider that they would understand because they were once children themselves; the experiences of different generations will never be the same, nothing can replicate the sibling bond and unfortunately if you’re the eldest daughter, your parents are experiencing all this for the first time too. Another aspect of the older sister experience is that we’re part of a kind of parenting trial run where parents are still trying to figure out how strict to be, how far their punishments should go, or just how high their expectations of their child should be; they could treat your younger siblings completely differently, and they might not have to go through what you did. And that’s just another curse older sisters have to deal with.

Raven Baxter: Never Dim Your Light To Make Them Shine

Raven Baxter had a big personality— just like her younger brother Cory. She was one of my favorite Disney characters because of her diva attitude, goofy humor, impeccable style and lack of demureness… all while being an older sister *gasp*. Many older sister-younger sibling relationships are depicted as one sibling being quiet and the other loud, but what happens when both siblings have strong, bold personalities?

That’s So Raven (2007)

I’ve always admired how Raven never allowed herself to be overshadowed by Cory, even though she has every reason to feel overlooked or to try to hide away because of her special ability. It was so refreshing to see, because older sisters often dim their light to let their younger siblings shine, or simply fall to the background with all the fuss about putting their siblings’ needs above their own. But Raven showed us that it’s okay to take up space, to be loud, and to not shrink for anyone. She was proof that older sisters can remain vibrant, fun, and full of life— even when we feel like the experience is exhausting or frustrating and everything around us is asking us to tone it down.

Elsa: Let It Go (Sorry, I Had To)

Elsa may have given us an overplayed song, but her isolation and distance from her younger sister, Anna, is something many older sisters can relate to. Sometimes, we don’t feel like we can share our struggles with our younger siblings and we feel the need to protect them from our own hardships, which can create a weird emotional distance. Older sisters often feel pressured to be perfect role-models, or to maintain a calm and collected front for their younger siblings, or feeling like their different experiences just wouldn’t allow their siblings to understand any of their issues.

Frozen (2013)

The beautiful thing about Frozen was how it showed us the possibility of breaking down those walls of isolation and letting go of your preconceived notions of your siblings and your role as the older sister. Elsa’s journey reminds us that while we may feel isolated as older sisters, there’s always a chance to let our siblings in— to find mutual understanding and support, even if it takes time.

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All this is to say, yes, Older Sister Core is riddled with hardships but being an older sister isn’t all sacrifice, anger, or isolation; it’s just often depicted that way because those feelings are real and extremely common. These characters show us that while the older sister experience is layered with responsibility, and sometimes loneliness, it’s also filled with love, growth, and moments of raw connection. We hold it together, even when it’s hard, and we find our own ways to thrive, because while we might not have older sisters of our own to lead the way, at least we have some icons to look up to on screen.